I've spent the past hour and a half re-reading this blog. I am actually quite amazed at some of the profound things I've written. I am dismayed, however, by the fact that my excitement and passion have seemed to wane. I still love being Catholic. It is a great joy to be a part of this community of faith. I have found some wonderful acquaintances and friends in my church. I am still a better person because of my faith. I just haven't been "on fire" lately and haven't written in a long time. Posts have become few and far between. I'm letting life get in the way too often it seems. My prayer life is greatly diminished and I can't remember the last time I actually spent time studying the Bible or aspects of the faith. I was doing well for a while by attending the adult faith formation classes at church, but I started having tournaments and other things happen on weekends and I'd have to go to a late Sunday evening Mass instead. I still go to Mass faithfully every weekend and I am making sure to go when I am out of town this weekend. I just can't explain why things have seemed to diminish in terms of my enthusiasm.
I think I am better when I'm more involved. As long as I have a class to participate in or choir or something "extra" it keeps me going and inspires me. Right now most of that is gone though I'm excited that class will continue this summer starting after this weekend. I know when I had RCIA weekly it helped me stay pumped up and now I find that simply attending Mass isn't enough. Perhaps I should try to go more often during the week now that school is out and get to adoration.
I don't have the answers, but at least I'm aware of my stagnation and I'm going to try to make the effort to do better. I haven't fallen into sin (other than some venial ones) but I do have some work to do on my part.
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4 comments:
That is a completely normal part of this pilgrim journey so don't worry about it. It's good that you are aware of it though.
The 'Honeymoon' comparison is a good one. A conversion experience as you ahve had over the last little while is very much a falling in love process with all of the fire and passion that experience brings with it.
What you are experiencing now is that next stage of the relationship where the two of you need to figure out how you are going to live your life together.
You're also right in realizing that it is the constant connection with the Christina community that fules and fires this relationship with God. It's easy for life to get away on us. That's why seasons like Advent and Lent are so essential, they rmeind us of the need to constantly 're-convert', like thos especial anniversaries away that we married couples (if we're lucky) take from time to time, they are times to re-discover the love that enflamed us in the begining.
Find ways to maintain your connection with you parish community, try to make that your first priority even if it means sacraficing something else. I would also suggest finding a Spiritual Director that you can meet with on a regular basis. Your Diocese should have a list of men and women approved to offer Spiritual Direction.
This will do two things, first, it makes you more accountable for maintaining a regular prayer life...you need to have prayed before seeing your director so you'll have something to talk about. Second, they will be able to guide your prayer time into those types of prayer and expereinces that work best for you. I think you would find it quite a rewarding experience.
I hope some of this helps.
Peace and God Bless
Thanks for the suggestions. I am going to be gone for a week, but I will try to make those connections when I get back. In the summer is when I have the most time, but it's the time that is "slow" at the church generally. Our music director is gone and there's just not much going on other than Mass. I am going to make the effort to get back in the swing of things. I do appreciate you being a regular reader of mine despite my lack of posts lately.
You're welcome for the advise. Parishes do get quite slow in the summer months. Even our Bible Study closes down for the summer. ;-)
Jennifer, I couldn't help but comment. I know the loneliness of being single. I didn't find my significant other until I was 42. It's probably even more challenging for you as a single mom. There's no easy answers, but attitude can make a huge difference. Is the glass half empty or half full? (If you think it's more than half empty, take a look at someone less fortunate than you--someone without parents, or someone physically incapacitated; someone lacking a sense of humor, or--God forbid--a Protestant.) ;-)
Learn to love yourself and do things for yourself! If you don't like what you see in the mirror, develop the discipline to regularly exercise or do without as much food. If you need more friends, get involved in politics, pro-life work or other works of charity.
Join a hard-core group of like minded Catholics who can offer good fellowship and good teaching.
God bless you and may He give you an even greater blessing of faith and trust!
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