Sunday, October 01, 2006

Nothing much to say

I apologize for my lack of posts here. It seems I haven't had much to say. Part of it has been the fact that life has gotten busy, but also, I have been feeling a bit down and haven't had felt inspired much. And just when I needed it, Father's homily today hit home. He talked about how negativity tends to feed sin. I realized that I've been kind of down and feeling a bit sorry for myself and I realized that isn't very healthy for me in more ways than one. I'm still focusing on things that honestly have been a distraction for me and I need to stop. I still have this trust issue that I seem to have had my entire life... or since my marriage... I'm not sure which... but it has rolled over into my trust in God. I can know that God will provide for me and I can believe in Him, but sometimes I still feel that I have to do certain things. I guess my impatience has been running rampant. I need to do some heavy prayer and ask for help in letting go of those things I still want to control. That is another area that I'm still not doing so well in. Father Phan constantly preaches about how important prayer is and I can know and understand that, but getting into it is difficult for me. Honestly, my prayer life stinks. I don't make time for it and when I do pray it's the same stuff over and over. When I try to make time for it I have a very difficult time focusing and my mind tends to wander into other things.
I still have no idea what God's will for me is. I guess he isn't ready to reveal that or perhaps I'm just not listening. I sometimes feel kind of aimless. I absolutely love being a part of the Catholic Church and I KNOW that I was called to be a part of it. Now I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I'm taking part in the music ministry and attending RCIA classes again, but sometimes it seems that it's not enough. I want to learn more but I don't seem to have much time lately. I just pray that God at least gives me a few hints here and there or those nudges he gave me when I was first called to simply read about the Catholic faith. I know I've come a long way, but I also know that I have a long way to go.

1 comment:

Greg Long (Australia) said...

I just love your sincerity, Annabel. That's how the Good Lord wants you to pray. Sure He already knows what is restless in your heart but He wants you to express it.
"Abba, Daddy- I am so confused.The world overwhelms me...."

So to encourage you I thought I would turn to Favourite Prayers from "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas A Kempis.

Is it hard for you believe that my "random opening" moved straight to this- and unbeknown to me -

"O most merciful God,
I implore You to keep me from being overwhelmed
by the cares of this world.

Do not allow me to become too involved
with my bodily needs
and the pursuit of pleasure.
Preserve me also from any danger
to my spiritual life
when I tend to become disheartened
by troubles and anxieties.

I ask to be delivered
not only from the attraction of those earthly goods
that the worldly covet so eagerly
but also from those miseries
that weigh so heavily upon my soul
and prevent me from experiencing Your presence
as frequently as I would wish."

There is one constant message that Our Lady - Our Mother - gives to the seers - "Pray. Pray. Pray."

Mother's nuture us, don't they?